The newest fashion faux pas has been announced, and it’s not Crocs or cargo shorts—it’s your boyfriend. A recent Vogue article has taken the internet by storm, citing an increasingly popular phenomenon of straight women hiding their relationships online, pointing out a prevalent feeling among girls today: having a boyfriend is embarrassing.
This newfound embarrassment can be attributed to the rise in popularity of the “soft launch,” or the act of posting subtle hints about being in a relationship without formal confirmation. Rather than photos showing off their romantic partner, women are opting for more discreet representations—two coffee cups, bouquets of flowers, or a blurry silhouette.
Image from Vogue
As mysterious portrayals of romantic relationships gain traction online, public displayals of affection are no longer trendy. Flaunting your boyfriend has become embarrassing. But why is this understated intimacy rising in popularity? Are women truly embarrassed of their boyfriends?
One possible explanation is that the media’s shameful attitudes towards the so-called “boy-crazy” teenage girl—a caricature that has been exaggerated, mocked, and sensationalized for decades—have conditioned women to distance themselves from overt displays of affection. Movies and shows have overblown the archetype of teen girls who are completely infatuated with their crushes (think boy-band fangirls or a squealing high schooler) and have no personality beyond obsessing over male counterparts. For years, much of popular media deemed having a crush to be obsessive, shallow, and embarrassing. It’s only natural that women today have internalized this message, resulting in widespread adoptions of more discreet affection.
While Vogue solely referenced boyfriends as a budding source of shame, the piece reveals a larger truth about society: we are in an era of embarrassment culture. Beyond romantic partners, the fear of judgement seemingly plagues younger generations. Social media is undoubtedly to blame; after years of living under digital scrutiny, it’s no surprise that today’s youth shy away from vulnerability and self-expression. This fear manifests itself in many more ways than simply shunning one’s boyfriend—younger people are having less meaningful conversations and relationships in order to proactively avoid potential embarrassment. The impact? A generation lacking any connection that goes deeper than the surface.
Image from Google Books Ngram Viewer
Even usage of the word “embarrassing,” has skyrocketed. The Google Books Ngram Viewer, which tracks the frequency of words in publications, records sharp increases in uses of the word in the past fifteen years. Since 2020, “embarrassing” has now reached a record high number of occurrences year after year.
Similar references to embarrassment have also gained popularity on social media. The song, “Everything Is Embarrassing,” by Sky Ferreira has recently been trending on platforms like Instagram and TikTok, even though the song was released over a decade ago. Through observing popular media today, it seems as though we’ve entered an era of embarrassment in all of its forms.
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Ocean Vuong, award-winning poet and creative writing professor at NYU, shares in a viral video that this widespread “cringe culture” is holding younger generations back from achieving honest connection with one another. Vuong conveys his frustration over college students being too self-conscious to participate in class due to fear of judgement from peers; rather than honest attempts at learning, there has been an influx of performed cynicism, young adults who take on disaffected personas—those who are “too cool” or “have seen it all.”
Vuong adds that more often than not, these bitter facades are mistaken for intelligence by classmates, who share similar fears of vulnerability. The outcome is a generation starved for real connection and depth, both in the classroom and beyond, argues Vuong. “Sincerity is something we deeply hunger for, especially young generations, but we are embarrassed when sincerity is in the room.”
Vogue thinks your boyfriend is embarrassing. But beyond relationships, the article marks a cultural shift toward emotional restraint. Authentic connections have gone out of style—the rise of embarrassment culture, a generation’s fear of vulnerability, is proof. Until that fear is confronted, we’ll continue to trade authenticity for aesthetics, mistake detachment for depth, and let embarrassment override our desire for meaningful connections.
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